What I learned in Nursing School

The most important thing was I wouldn’t make a good nurse.

Cartoon by Lambert-King

In the last year, we’ve seen the value of dedicated health care professionals. At one time, I thought about becoming a nurse. I went to nursing school for a few months, but ultimately came to realize, it’s wasn’t right for me. Or, perhaps more accurately, I wasn’t right for it. For instance, nurses really need to be empathetic. I sometimes find myself deficient in that area.

People who are sick or in pain will generally let you know. Repeatedly. I’m not sure I’m I would be good at listening to constant complaints. “I’m thirsty”. I’m hungry.” I need a bedpan.” It’s too late for a bedpan.” “I can’t breathe.” “My heart stopped.” Gripe, gripe, gripe.

It’s not like I don’t have my own problems. My fantasy football team is in the tank. There’s nothing good on TV. I can’t balance my checkbook. I doubt if patients would listen to this stuff if I told it to them. They’re generally too self-absorbed, worrying about clinging to life.

So, it seems clear that my temperament is best suited for some over vocation.

I did find some of the nursing school teaching techniques interesting. I saw a training film on caring for the elderly. It involved personal hygiene. Very personal hygiene. The film should how a nurse would help in this delicate matter. The film showed an old guy being assisted by a nurse in this delicate situation. I wondered how they got this old guy to appear in the film. I can imagine his agent making the pitch.

“Hello Herman, this Harold, your agent. I have a job for you, but it involves nudity. So, you’re okay with that? Now you’re also going to be interacting with a nurse. What do you mean, “All the better?” No, the role of the nurse hasn’t been cast yet. I think you’re missing the big picture. This isn’t a medical revision of, “Hair”.

The fact that I found myself wondering about how they hired that actor instead of watching the action, so to speak, indicated I probably wasn’t nursing material.

One other thing about the training material stood out, a picture of some poor man afflicted with elephantiasis. He had it in the place where a guy would most hate to have it. The medical picture clearly showed the man and the afflicted area. What struck me as odd was the textbook didn’t show the poor guy’s face.

Honestly, would not showing the guy’s face preserve his dignity? I think not. Also, would the people that knew him not be able to ferret out his identity? Can you imagine that discussion? “That looks like George, but without a clear view of his face, I can’t tell without a clear view of his face. Believe me, this guy’s face wasn’t his most distinguishing characteristic.

Maybe HIPPA laws were involved. Once again, this guy’s HIPPAs weren’t the issue. His FRONTA was. As a side point, how can hospitals have HIPPA laws to protect your privacy and give you a hospital gown that shows your butt?

Once again, thanks to the medical professions who have been stretched to the max in the last year. I’ll try to do my part to help folks in another way.